Posts tagged humour

In an EXCLUSIVE interview, mega-beaked geriatric Colin “Neil Warnock” Wanker names his Leeds United starting XI for 2012/13

1: Andy Longergan in a Paddy Kenny mask

I needed a pair of hands I can trust. But Paddy’s changed his number and taken out a restraining order. Luckily though, Ken gave me an old Sheff Utd programme and a pound for the photocopier.

2: The Radebe Suite
3: Billy’s Bar
5: The East Stand Boxes
6: The Pavillion

We needed someone as safe as houses at the back. So me and Ken, we splashed out on some buildings. They’re like houses, aren’t they?

4: Michael “Browny” Brown
8: Michael “Browny” Brown’s Nurse
10: Pugh

I’ve been a fan of Browny since he kicked that stupid horse in the 1938 cup final, so I was always going to retain his services this season. Especially because Shaun Derry throws eggs at me when I go round his house. But he’s not as sprightly as he used to be, so we got him a nurse. She’ll hold his blanket and point at the players he needs to assault.

Of course, with Brown providing the steel, we need some guile. Danny Pugh said he’d be able to fill in though, until we find some.

7: Snoddy
11: Ben Fry

I promised to keep Snoddy as our star winger, and I did.

I mean, we sold Robert Snodgrass to Norwich to pay for the Ken Bates statue and my nippy new electric wheelchair, but I was at a Slade tribute gig and their frontman Snoddy Holder looked alright.

Anyway, I’ll be trying to avoid the ball touching the floor in midfield, so we needed someone who’s used to everything going over his head. Ben seemed like the natural choice.

9: Diouf

Ha, sorry about that. My little joke. It’ll probably be Becchio or something. Unless Norwich want him too. Is it time for Countdown yet?

Beware the fury of Hovercat - part hovercraft, part cat.

animalsbeingdicks:

Penny has been a real bitch since inventing that hovercraft. Marcus wasn’t the first to notice this.