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#lufc EXCLUSIVE - Warnock Names Starting XI for 2012/13

In an EXCLUSIVE interview, mega-beaked geriatric Colin “Neil Warnock” Wanker names his Leeds United starting XI for 2012/13

1: Andy Longergan in a Paddy Kenny mask

I needed a pair of hands I can trust. But Paddy’s changed his number and taken out a restraining order. Luckily though, Ken gave me an old Sheff Utd programme and a pound for the photocopier.

2: The Radebe Suite
3: Billy’s Bar
5: The East Stand Boxes
6: The Pavillion

We needed someone as safe as houses at the back. So me and Ken, we splashed out on some buildings. They’re like houses, aren’t they?

4: Michael “Browny” Brown
8: Michael “Browny” Brown’s Nurse
10: Pugh

I’ve been a fan of Browny since he kicked that stupid horse in the 1938 cup final, so I was always going to retain his services this season. Especially because Shaun Derry throws eggs at me when I go round his house. But he’s not as sprightly as he used to be, so we got him a nurse. She’ll hold his blanket and point at the players he needs to assault.

Of course, with Brown providing the steel, we need some guile. Danny Pugh said he’d be able to fill in though, until we find some.

7: Snoddy
11: Ben Fry

I promised to keep Snoddy as our star winger, and I did.

I mean, we sold Robert Snodgrass to Norwich to pay for the Ken Bates statue and my nippy new electric wheelchair, but I was at a Slade tribute gig and their frontman Snoddy Holder looked alright.

Anyway, I’ll be trying to avoid the ball touching the floor in midfield, so we needed someone who’s used to everything going over his head. Ben seemed like the natural choice.

9: Diouf

Ha, sorry about that. My little joke. It’ll probably be Becchio or something. Unless Norwich want him too. Is it time for Countdown yet?

Filed under leeds nightmare future colin wanker rant humour

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Special notice must be given to James Corden as the servant Planchet, a comic relief turn with all the actual comedy value of a bombed orphanage. I can’t really comprehend how anyone can be quite as unfunny as Corden is in this film. Every line falls flat, every gesture and expression is overdone to the point of mugging. I am shuddering even as I sit here and type.

Looks like I’m not alone in my dislike of James Corden’s abilities.

If you’re not subscribed to No Chic, Just Geek, you should be.

Filed under corden humour review film cultural vandalism

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You know this dinosaur thing that’s going to happen tomorrow? Why don’t we just all go and hide in the zombie house?

Adam (@ramb085) on the Rapture, scheduled for May 21st by religious nutbags with a tenuous grip on reality.

He then went on to say “[the bible] was wrote by some fucking crackheads back in the day. Why believe it now?”

Filed under religion work humour

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I don’t know why BBC staff are so uptight. When I first moved to Manchester, I thought it’d be horrid. But to my surprise, they even have a Starbucks here.
Woman on the Tram (Mid-Atlantic accent, heavy Sarth Lahndahn undertones)

Filed under overheard humour